Facing Brokenness on the Streets
A couple of weeks ago, I went out for a Mercy Night with the Mercy Missionaries. I’d been going with them several times at this point, but tonight was different. I learned a profound lesson about the heart of the Father that night in the seemingly unexpected place of downtown Portland. in the cold. In the dark. And in the pain of one homeless man’s heart.
His name is Brian. That night I was assigned the industrial area, and it reminded me of Jesus seeking after the lost sheep. We were looking for friends who had been swept from the more central areas. So I find it providential that I met Brian that night.
That night before going out, I had a heaviness on my heart and I didn’t feel like I had much to give. I listened. I prayed. Didn’t speak much. But the Lord had a special lesson for me.
As we talked with Brian and offered him soup, he opened up to us. He told us how he had moved from Chicago to Portland to visit his daughter Amelia. But because of his circumstances and his ex-wife’s custody, he couldn’t see his daughter, he explained through quiet tears. Despite this, he couldn’t leave Portland. He tried once, but couldn’t stand the thought of being far from her.
That visit left me really sad. And questioning. God why am I so sad? It’s in your hands, so I shouldn’t be sad.
When I got back to St. Michael’s, I spent some time in Adoration. I told Jesus about my heavy heart and Brian and how sad I was.
That’s when it hit me. The Father’s heart breaks for us just like Brian’s for his daughter. The Father gets as close as he can to us, even if we won’t see him. As I looked up at Jesus in the Eucharist, I realized this fact is made visible right in front of me.
Why does God come in the form of bread? Because he wants to be close to us. He wants to give all of himself to us and it’s a way we can understand. He comes to where we are. Even if I don’t want to look at him or be near him, he gets as close as he can get. He can’t stand the thought of leaving us. He’ll wait for us. It would break his heart to leave.
Although I was sad that night, I realized that was a gift. I realized the gift of Brian’s person and that he was an image of God the Father. How beautiful to see Jesus on the streets.
~Maria Nehnevaj, PDX Newman Student